i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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