Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
