Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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