I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
