Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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