oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
