Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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