So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
