I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
