Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
