i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
