im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
