I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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