My cat gives me a boner
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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