the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize