I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
