Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
