can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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