I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
