how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
