btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
