Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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