as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
