when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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