Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
