You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
