i think my tv is drunk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
