He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina is officially offended.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
