So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
