Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
