So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
