"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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