There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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