a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
