It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
