we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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