god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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