What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
