i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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