i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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