it was like his penis was on wheels.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
