I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
