I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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