wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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