Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my sisters under your porch take her home
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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