I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
