guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
