I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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