I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
