I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
