and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
