Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
