Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
