He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
