I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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