What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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