GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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