Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
