He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize