Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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